Fractality
by fiesa
Summary: She may have been broken, but she never was a person who shied away from asking uncomfortable questions. Five times Kushina said what had to be said, and one time she didn't. Multi-chaptered story, complete in six parts. Kushina, Minato.
1. Asymmetry

**Fractality**

_Summary: She may have been broken, but she never was a person who shied away from asking uncomfortable questions. Five times Kushina said what had to be said, and one time she didn't. Multi-chaptered story, complete in six parts. Kushina, Minato._

_Warning: Tiny, tiny bit AU in the last chapter. Because…_

_Set: Story-unrelated. (Could be seen as prelude to Alternative Reality. Or as a tie-in to Shadow Flame. Oh well, it's my head canon, so it can probably be tied in with many of my fics. No need to read any of them to understand this one.)_

_Disclaimer: Standards apply._

* * *

_i. Asymmetry_

She stood at the door when Minato arrived: a fleck of blinding color in a sea of uniformity. Her red hair shone despite the dim light. It clashed with the ill-fitting dress she wore. Her hands were clutching at the material, opening and closing, hair fell into her face and hid her features. It was a grey, foggy day of early fall that they met for the first time, in a dim corridor of a building that seemed to have made it its purpose to surpass the grayness of the day outside. The Academy building of Hidden Leaf was functional, bare-walled and colorless. And it was quiet, because classes had already started and doors were closed against intruders, welcome or not.

The girl was staring at the ground but when Minato came close enough she looked up and the flaring, burning anger in her eyes that was directed at him and yet not at him shot through him like a harpoon. She glanced away immediately but not before he had seen her rage, and wondered whether she was angry with him and what he had done to deserve her anger. A second later, the door next to Minato opened and a man stepped through. He had brown, unruly hair and crow feet around his eyes. A pen stuck behind his ear, and three fingers of his left hand were missing.

"You must be Namikaze Minato," the man said and held out his hand. "Kushina," he said, looking over, and Minato realized he was talking to the girl. "This is Minato. He'll be starting the year late, too, so you have something in common."

Minato saw the anger in her eyes burn hotter. She didn't move closer, and she didn't greet him. There was something in her face that seemed… _strange. _Minato couldn't pinpoint it, despite his ability of reading people. She seemed out of place and yet familiar. Her red hair contrasted starkly with her pale skin. Stormy green eyes and a stubby nose completed her face, green eyes like the ocean after a storm, and for a second something flashed through his head-

Minato, determined to at least make an effort, lifted one hand. "Hi."

The girl glared at him and turned away. The memory died, unnoticed.

"Kushina," the teacher reprimanded, but she didn't react. She glanced at the wall, again with this alien and familiar expression.

And Minato knew they wouldn't get along.

...

They didn't.

...

Minato soon found himself in the center of his new class. The lessons were easy, the teachers acceptable, the kids here didn't know him and he didn't miss home at all. Kushina was different. Kushina was quiet and withdrawn, she was impolite and snappy and when someone tried to talk to her nicely she gave rude answers or ignored the people. She also had the very annoying habit of screaming when she got angry. Minato heard her voice for the first time on his the very first day of school. During lunch break, a boy picked a strand of her hair and commented on its color. Kushina punched him in the face and shouted at him to _"Never say that again_ _or I'll make you pay!"_ and promptly was sent into the corner of the classroom where she stood for the rest of the day, glaring at the boy and the wall, alternatively. It didn't help her that she seemingly didn't have any interest in finding friends. Every time she introduced herself it sounded like a challenge. It was tedious, and soon became annoying. And Minato had so much else to do, so different things to ponder. Here, there were no elder stepbrothers who could hide his books or laugh at his questions or beat the shit out of him because they _felt_ like it. So excuse him that he actually enjoyed being in Leaf, living there and living there _freely._ It felt like he had left everything that had made him unhappy behind, and he did not miss it one piece.

It could have gone on forever.

...

It couldn't last forever.

...

"So?" Kushina demanded, furious, her voice rising in intensity. Soon, she would be screaming, screaming the way he had heard so often. Minato wanted to shut her mouth so badly he saw stars dance in front of his eyes. "And what about _you_? Don't pretend you're oh-so-high-and-mighty! Genius prodigy, model student, dream of every girl in the radius of two miles around the school – but there's nothing more to you, is it? You're a _fake._ You smile all the time and go around fooling everyone, but you're not fooling _me. _Everyone dances around your past – good for them. I certainly _won't._ By all means, go on pretending you're living your happy little life without any worries and troubles. Did you actually think just for a _second_-" and she enunciated the words very clearly – "that you were better than me?"

She stood there, glaring at him, anger radiating off her like sparks from a flame.

Minato and his friends stared at her, stunned. The girls found their voices sooner than the guys.

"What is with her?" One of them fluffed herself up, glancing at Minato with approval-seeking eyes. "How dare she insult you like that! That clan-less orphan, how could she compare herself to you? I bet her family sent her here because they didn't want her anymore…"

"Man, she hates you," Fugaku said, shaking his head and dropping a hand on Minato's shoulder. "Isn't she freaky?"

Kushina stared at the Uchiha hard and wordless, until the dark-haired boy threw Minato an uncomfortable look. "Just saying."

"Yeah," Kushina echoed, acerbically. "Just saying." And off she went, without another word.

Her silence, Minato thought, was answer enough. As his had been. So he smiled, like he always did, and brushed off the topic, and soon Uzumaki Kushina was forgotten by everyone else.

...

What indeed had been freaky, he later thought, was the accuracy with which Kushina had pinpointed his weaknesses.

...

Minato's smile wasn't entirely fake, but it wasn't entirely honest, either. Smiling had been the only way he had been able to endure his stepfather's and stepbrother's taunts and abuses. Had his classmates known that he'd grown up as the bastard son of a fisherman's wife, badgered and beaten by the man and the siblings that hated his sight, they certainly wouldn't have flocked around him so quickly. Minato had been born on the southern coast of Fire Country, in a poor and desolate village full of old and disillusioned people. His mother had been pretty once, but that was long before she tried to run away with a wandering musician and was caught by her brothers and father. Pregnant, she had been married off to the next available fisherman. The man happened to be widower and already had six sons and two daughters, little wonder his first wife had died. Namikaze Miyako's future was cut into stone the day the rope was bound under her and her husband's wrists. Perhaps, had she bore him some more children, he wouldn't have beaten her quite that much. Nevertheless, she withered away, and in her condition there was no place or thought for her bastard son. Perhaps Minato reminded her of her lost love – so the romantics in town said – because he had the wheat-blonde hair of Wind's people and eyes blue as the sea on a sunny morning, and that was the reason why she left him mostly to his step siblings. Maybe, though, she just didn't care anymore. Minato never held it against her.

But he never felt much love for her, either.

Very quickly, the people in his village noticed his abilities. Minato taught himself to read at early age. He was bright and soaked up knowledge like a dry sponge soaked up water, always asking, always questioning. Nobody knew, but he was able to recall pictures and texts he had once seen with perfect clarity. In other places, places where he would grow up loved and cherished and protected, he would have been called a prodigy, there, he just was the cuckold child of a drunkard. Minato grew up around fish knives and hooks, knowledge that easily shaped his UMGANG with kunai and shuriken. And thanks to his sunny nature – or perhaps it was pure stubbornity – he became neither conceited nor withdrawn. All those qualities made him likable, and of promising potential, and so it came that he was accepted into Leaf with open arms when he finally arrived. Had all the people in Leaf known – his classmates and their parents and the distant relatives he stayed with – known why he had come to Leaf in the first place, they would probably have thought of him quite differently. Because, when his stepfather had tried to hit his wife in a drunken rage, Minato had taken a fishing knife and defended his mother, costing the man an eye in the process, they wouldn't have accepted him so easily.

The thought made him wonder what Kushina's story was. Just out of scientific curiosity.

...

("I know how it is to leave everything behind." –"Don't bother.")

...

The most intriguing thing: although they had expected it of her, the volume of her voice hadn't risen beyond a normal person's voice; despite her anger she had remained surprisingly calm. Only her eyes had conveyed the depth of her rage. And a world of pain. That day, Minato began to suspect that there was much more to Uzumaki Kushina than everyone suspected.

A few days later he was told he would be able to skip two classes and take the Academy's graduation exams instead. He passed with flying colors and was whisked away to his new team, and the girl with the hostile attitude and the flaming red hair disappeared into the background of his thoughts.

They didn't meet again until six years later.


	2. Point Symmetry

_ii. Point Symmetry_

…

He was given the mission because he was a legitimate choice, but also because he was the first person available at that moment.

…

Despite his official status as jounin, Minato still was one of the youngest shinobi ever to be elevated to that title. And despite the Sandaime's obvious trust in him, and despite a few of his friends who knew what he was actually capable of, many seasoned shinobi still remained weary of him. The day the message that Uzumaki Kushina had been abducted by a group of Kumo-nin was a day at the end of a particularly harassing month, a month in which most of Leaf's jounin and tokubetsu were off on missions. Minato himself had just returned and had signed in at the mission desk when two terrified chuunin streaked past him, leaving behind a trail of panic so tangible Minato dropped his bag where he stood, stopped joking with the chuunin on duty and followed them up and into the Third's office.

Sarutobi had an incredible patience. Minato stood in the shadows of the big room, shifting from one foot onto the other, and listened to the chuunin's harried tale: they had been training outside the gates, in the forest, when they had seen a group of shinobi pass by. They'd travelled fast and had seemed eager to get away. The chuunin hadn't recognized them and, therefore, followed them for a short distance. They hadn't been able to identify the strangers, since they bore no sign affiliating them to any village, and the chuunin had just decided to leave them be and report back when they had caught a glimpse of the limp form of a person hanging over the shoulder of one of the shinobi. It had been Uzumaki Kushina, her read hair identifying her beyond any shadow of doubt. She hadn't moved, so they must have managed to knock her unconscious. At that, the Sandaime shook his head worriedly and Minato got the feeling he knew something Minato himself did not know. He decided to think about that later. He also would think about the reason why a group of criminals had decided to go through the trouble of abducting a mere chuunin – Uzumaki Kushina, no less – from the middle of the strongest shinobi village the Five Continents had to offer, later.

"Hokage-sama," he said. "Send me. I'm the fastest there is, I can catch up with them before it is too late."

He exchanged glances with Sarutobi. Both of them knew that, as soon as the mysterious abductors had crossed the border of Hi no Kuni, the chance to retrieve their hostage was close to nonexistent. Not without risking a political scandal.

"From what those two reported, the kidnappers are at least six people," Nara Shikaku said, his face pulled into a frown. "Namikaze-kun's accomplishments aside, we don't even know whether they had more people with them who met up with the captors later. Or whether their village of origin will send them reinforcements as soon as they're close to the border. Under normal circumstances you would send at least two Anbu teams, Hokage-sama."

All of them knew if someone had to be able to cope with six or more armed and dangerous men, Minato would be a likely choice.

Sarutobi sighed, catching Minato's eyes and holding his gaze. "I know. But we're seriously undermanned right now and I need all my Anbu at their assigned missions. Kaze no Kuni is testing our strength at every possible moment. And despite everything, we still need to run missions for our external clients. Sending Minato-kun seems like the best solution to me right now. He has experience in tracking, he is able to move fast and he should be able to trick the captors somehow in order to free Kushina-kun." He shuffled through the mission scrolls on his desk. "Aburame-kun and his team should be back by tomorrow afternoon. They will follow you immediately, Minato-kun, as your backup. Leave them a trail, if possible wait for them. If the kidnappers are about to cross the border, act at your own discretion."

Which meant, Minato knew: if there's a way to stop the abductors, stop them, if the risk of failure is too great: leave them be. In the grand scheme of things, Uzumaki Kushina was only a pawn. As was Minato.

"Yes, Hokage-sama," Minato nodded, bowed formally and whirled around in order to collect his mission gear again. At the sound of Shikaku's voice, he stopped short on the other side of the door.

"Hokage-sama," the man said. "Are you sure this is the best way? Those men took her for a reason, and if Leaf loses her-"

"I have faith in Minato-kun," Sarutobi returned calmly. "Everything will be alright."

…

If Minato would only have that much faith in himself.

…

Tracking the abductors turned out to be not as simple as he would have wished for it to be. Those guys, he had to admit, were good. Which meant they probably belonged to another shinobi village – Kumo, perhaps, or Iwa? Especially Kumo had a history with Leaf when it came to coveting something Konoha had in her possession. But Uzumaki Kushina, a simple girl from Whirlpool who, despite her strikingly colored hair and her incredibly loud voice, was nothing special? They had to have targeted her specifically; otherwise they would have gone with a less difficult hit. If Kushina was anything the way she had been when they both had attended the Academy – and Minato had skipped two grades and graduated two years before her, so he couldn't really say he'd known her for long, but he knew _that_ much – she would have put up one hell of a fight.

No. Those guys were good. Barely leaving a trace, covering every eventuality. Minato barely found hints for their presence, much less for their way. He lost the trail almost as soon as he had found it, after a few hours of quick travelling. Angry with himself, he retraced his steps and found nothing. The captors could have disappeared in every direction by now, closing in on the border of Fire Country rapidly, and Minato could do nothing to stop them, as brilliant as he was. Cursing, he took a second to think, stopping dead on a sturdy branch of a thick forest tree above a clearing. _Think_, he urged his brain. _Think._

_Think._

The sun hit the leaves and as he lowered his head in thought, exhaustion catching up to him, when a flash of color caught his attention. Repeating the movement he watched with hitched breath, trying to find the source of the reflection. Narrowing his eyes in concentration, he focused on the scene before him, and then he made it out: a strand of bright, red hair. With a leap, he crossed the small clearing. Really: in the thin branches of a prickly bush, Uzumaki Kushina's hair was unmistakable, crimson against green. Minato grinned a quick grin that disappeared as fast as it had come, quickly scourged the close vicinity and adjusted his path. The search had cost him almost one day and he couldn't track at night. Hopefully, the kidnappers wouldn't travel at night, either, but if they were anything like shinobi they knew that darkness and foreign territory wasn't the best combination. When dawn crept up on him Minato was on his way again, chewing on a dry ration bar while moving. On the afternoon of the third day he finally caught up with the captors. He had had enough time to develop a strategy and either way, seven of them were no match for Leaf's legendary Yellow Flash.

…

(For once, perhaps, this hated titled of his could do something good.)

…

When the kidnappers – they were shinobi, that was clear from the way they moved – stopped for the night and set up guards, Minato was ready. He took out the two men soundlessly. The remaining five were disposed of equally efficiently and quickly. No second to think, no second to hesitate – he'd trained himself well, and he had been trained well. When he finally got to the hostage, blindfolded and gagged on the forest floor where her abductors had not-so-kindly deposited her, his heart was racing. Determinedly, he tugged down the blindfold and set to ungagging her. She needed a few seconds to adjust to the dim darkness of moon and stars, but then her sight adjusted. The moment she recognized him, something sparked in her eyes. The first thing that left her lips after she was freed from the gag was a string of curses so colorful even Minato, the fisherman's son, felt his ears go red.

"What the _hell_ are you doing here?" Kushina demanded to know. In the darkness of the forest, her voice as unnaturally loud. Noticing it herself, she switched to a whisper in a heartbeat.

Awkwardly, he held out both hands. "Umm. Saving you?" It came out like an afterthought.

_Idiot_, her eyes said. "Don't think that makes me like you more," she said acidly. "And, now, could you by chance take off these stupid shackles? I'm starting to be very sick of them, and it's difficult travelling with them."

Minato complied, caught between laughing and face-palming. She was so… Very... _Kushina._ They brought an even safer distance between themselves and the clearing on which they left the seven corpses, and even then they didn't stop until they had found a circle of threes that stood so tight they would be protected from all sides, and open only to one. Any enemy approaching would have to come through the only opening in the circle, and they could guard the entrance.

Kushina dropped to the ground and ground the heels of her hands into her eyes. Minato watched her, weary. "Are you alright?"

She shot him a glance that could have turned fire to ice instantly. "What do you think? I've been abducted, dragged through the forest for three days, bound and gagged. Plus, their chakra-supression drug works quite well. I won't be able to help you in case something finds us. Did you find my trail?"

"Yeah. It was very helpful." Minato couldn't help but smile at her haughtiness. She was _exactly_ the Kushina he remembered, only taller (though not much so) and less… childish. More… He stared at her face, scrutinizing it. Strangely different.

…

The thought reverberated inside him like a bell.

…

"Hmpf." She glared at him from behind the veil of her hair. She was combing her fingers through it quickly – it did look a bit worse for the wear – and then bound it back into a tight braid. "I sincerely hope you don't expect my eternal gratitude just because you did your job."

"Wha- no!" Offended, Minato got back onto his feet and started to walk a small round around their provisional camp. They would stay here, for a night, and wait for backup. They were far away enough from the border – and as far away from the campsite the abductors had used – that he felt fairly secure to wait for his backup. "Why would you say something like that?"

Kushina answered his gaze levelly. "Because some people think doing their job is something they should be thanked for."

"Well," Minato said. "Not me."

She stared at him a bit longer and then turned around. "Hmpf." She surveyed their camp, then levelled her gaze on him again. "I'll take the first shift," she informed him. "I'll wake you at three."

It was useless to argue. Minato felt a smile tug at the edges of his lips. Carefully concealing it, he brought out two thin blankets and tossed Kushina one. She actually mumbled a thank you – _we're making progress!_ – and settled down, her back against a tree trunk. Minato wrapped himself into the second blanket and closed his eyes.

He woke before the time for his shift had come because something was _off._

Minato needed a few seconds to identify the source of his discomfort. The silence of the forest was broken by the sound of soft weeping. Minato didn't move, just stared into the night, his eyes wide open.

When Kushina woke him for his guard shift, he pretended not to see that her eyes were red. It was dark, either way. The way she folded her body into itself as she lay down to get some sleep, too, made her look tiny and fragile.

And lonely.

They had something in common, then. Again, a flash of memory- But she'd never forgive him if he said anything.


	3. Reflection Symmetry

_iii. Reflection Symmetry_

The voices greeted him before the door to the jounin break room even came into sight. Minato stopped in front of the sturdy old oak door and listened, categorizing the voices. It seemed like Anko and Ibiki were at it again, usually a spectacle worth watching because she seemed to be the only person able to fluster the man whose face knew fewer expressions than a rock and who had the emotional range of a – well, a rock, probably, too. But it seemed like Inuzuka Tsume was the one responsible for the raucous laughter in the background. Anko in combination with the huge dog lady always was dangerous, especially when Kurenai wasn't close to do damage control. But Minato had spent all the morning and afternoon confined to a desk – the Sandaime obviously was trying to cripple him, both mentally and physically – and he needed to move. More precisely, he needed a sparring partner. And if he wanted to find someone for that, the jounin quarters were the most likely place. Not knowing whether to smile or to sigh, he pushed open the door.

Three kunai came flying at him, thudding against the age-old wooden door frame and clattering to the ground harmlessly.

…

Welcome home.

…

"Good afternoon to you, too," Minato said laconically, picked up the kunai and threw them back at their initial owners. Inoichi, Tsume, and – surprisingly – Chouza laughed, catching their kunai where they fell or stuck. "Tie," Inoichi said, smugly. "Shikaku, I think you should buy us dinner."

"You wish," a dark-haired shinobi grumbled from the other side of the room, flat out on a sofa.

Minato leaned against the door, casting a glance through the room. Besides the Ino-Shika-Chou team, there were Anko, Ibiki, Tsume and Fugaku present, a Hyuuga he didn't immediately recognize, and, in the farthest corner: three male shinobi, one dark-haired and pale, one with hair so light it almost seemed white (perhaps a relation to the Hatake clan?), and another dark-haired one. If he remembered correctly, they had been at the chuunin trials a few years ago. Minato hadn't attended, busy with busting a child-selling ring at the coast of Fire, but he remembered their files. They'd made their way up quickly, then. If he wasn't mistaken, there had been an oddity surrounding them, something about the only team made up of more than three genin that had made it through the chuunin trials and succeeded- _Ah._ There, right next to them, almost completely dwarfed by her team mates: a woman with flaming red hair. Minato did a double take, but Uzumaki Kushina's presence was unmistakably _real_.

(She caught his stare and twitched an eye-brow.)

Anko, catching Minato's surprise, followed his glance and mercifully pitched her voice lower. "New jounin. They were a genin team, there were too few people, so they made a team of four. Stayed together as chuunin, too, seems like they want to mimic our resident long-term team of idiots." She shot Inoichi, who was apparently quarreling with an unfazed Shikaku once again, a nasty look. "Shouldn't you know that, Namikaze, seeing as you spend most of your time with the Sandaime Hokage going through files and doing other boring stuff?"

He could have told her that he had been busy revising emergency evacuation plans and supply logistics in case of a direct attack and subsequent siege of Hidden Leaf for the past six days but Minato had especially come to look for a sparring partner so he could actually _forget_ all about that.

"Must have misplaced the message," he said cheerfully. "What's new?"

Inoichi shrugged, mercifully taking his focus off Shikaku. "Just them. From what the rumors say, we're going to have fun with those four."

"Rumors, Inoichi? When you say rumors you mean hard facts." Tsume had ambled over and settled down on the sofa, dangerously close to Shikaku, who was stretched out over the pillows.

"Watch it, woman," he ground out without opening his eyes. Tsume took no notice. "I watched their exams," she said and her lips formed a silent whistle. "Believe me, those three guys are good. The girl… Well."

She checked for potential listeners and found none, so her eyes turned back, sparkling dangerously.

"Something's strange with her. Her scent is not right."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Chouza demanded, carefully collecting the crumbs from a dish next to him. "Her _scent_? Only you crazy Inuzuka people would say something like that."

The shinobi woman took his criticism personally. "Because we have good instincts," she hissed at him. "I can tell what you've eaten for lunch just from your scent, Akimichi."

Before the argument could spiral out of control, Shikaku pitched in. "If there's something wrong with the girl it does not matter as long as she's loyal to Leaf, isn't it?"

"What girl?" Raidou had entered the rooms and had caught the last stray end of their conversation. His face was flushed and his training gear dusty. Leaf was experiencing an unnatural stretch of aridity which had dried out the little streams and trickles that usually littered the training area, and the grounds were cracked open and dusty.

"Newbies," Anko cut in and pointed at the far corner with a flicker of her head. "Four of them, and all from the same team." A cat-like, dangerous grin spread over her face. "The world is full of miracles, eh?"

"Maybe they're just that good," Chouza pointed out. "Shibi remarked that there were a few strong recruits in this year's load."

"He certainly has an eye for such thing," Inoichi agreed. "Even though one might not believe it, seeing the glasses he wears. How can he even see through them?"

"They're a bit young, aren't they?" Tsume asked. Minato calculated quickly: he'd been one year older as Kushina and his other class-mates in the Academy and had skipped two years. Really, most of her peers would be trying out for jounin only next year. If they had made it chuunin last year, that was. But he remembered a document that had crossed his desk once, most of the information blackened out and classified, and a certain shinobi's file that seemed to have almost as much classified information as a usual file had _unclassified_ information. Minato had been puzzling over Uzumaki Kushina's secret for two years now and he couldn't say he'd come closer to it. Sandaime-Sama seemed to enjoy the way Minato came to dead ends on a regular basis and hadn't slipped _a word_. There was something strange in Kushina's past, or perhaps in _herself_, even, and his suspicions weren't based on isolated incidents. The kidnapping two years ago had targeted her specifically. Sandaime-Sama had served him a half-cooked excuse – everyone else had actually swallowed it – about Kushina's special chakra. Granted, what he'd seen from her control, it was _good_. But _special_ enough to kidnap someone for it? Problem was: Minato just didn't see her often enough. She'd been a chuunin and he had a myriad of other things to do when it came to his every day work, stalking her just because something in her past was fishy wasn't an option. Still, sometimes he caught himself _wanting_ to stalk her. Kushina was a riddle, and he itched to solve it.

…

_Green sea, blue sky-_

_…_

"Either way," Raidou said, leering just a tiny little bit, "she sure is hot. I'd like to spar with her someday." The way he placed emphasis on the word _spar_ said everything, really, and Minato felt a frown rise. Raidou was at least four years older than Minato.

His voice, unfortunately – or comically – fell into a sudden silence so profound all eyes turned to watch them. Kushina's included.

It was almost comical to watch: the way Raidou's eyes wandered from Tsume to Anko to Shikaku and back to Tsume. From his friend's almost invisible movement of her head, he checked the other direction and his gaze fell onto Kushina. She had gotten up from her seat with her former team mates and had made her way towards their little group, and now stood in front of them, her face unreadable.

"Can I help you?" She inquired, calmly.

"What?" Raidou yelped, caught off guard. "Me? You? No, I mean… I thought…"

Kushina cocked an eye brow. "I see."

"No," Raidou protested. "I just overheard… And I thought…"

"Stop thinking," she advised him. Then, a sweet smile graced her features. "But if you'd like to come back to your earlier comment I sure can find some time for a sparring match. I bet I can make you…" She paused, grinning maliciously, and let her eyes wander up and down again. "…Squirm."

Raidou turned a crimson red, stuttering incoherently.

The entire break room burst into laughter. Minato smiled to himself softly and silently congratulated her. Kushina's mocking smile disappeared as she caught his eye and suddenly there was another Kushina, one he hadn't known before.

"We'll be part of the jounin ranks from today on," she said to everyone and bowed. "We're looking forward to working with you."

It was the best thing she could have done.


	4. Prochirality

_iv. Prochirality_

"I have grave news." The Sandaime Hokage's face was lined with sorrow. "Senju Mito-sama is no longer with us."

Every person present in the circular meeting room seemed to stop breathing.

"She died last night," he continued, his hands clasped behind his back. For once, Sarutobi-sama did not look at anyone, lost in his own memories and grief. "The funeral rites will be performed according to her last wish: in the circle of her family and closest friends. A ceremony shall be held in which every member of Leaf's shinobi is able to participate and any civilian who wishes to pay his or her respects."

He sighed quietly, his voice wavering only then. "With her, Hidden Leaf has lost her last living connection to her Founders."

The respectful silence hung heavy. Minato lowered his head, remembering the tall, breath-catchingly beautiful woman who had been the wife of the First Fire Shadow. She had looked so young, when he had once caught a glimpse at her form, despite being older than the village herself. Senju Mito had kept to herself, especially in the last years, and to many shinobi of Minato's age was more a legend than a living person.

Now she was dead.

A movement behind the Hokage caught his attention. He strained his eyes, but in the half-dark behind the lectern, he couldn't discern anything.

"All of us here," Sarutobi-sama continued, "Knew what a burden Mito-sama carried. What responsibility she took upon herself to save the village, and to ensure her and our well-being."

Rustling from the rows of chairs told of the fact that not too few people were quite worried for exactly that reason. Minato, very much aware of the implications Mito-sama's death was having, sat perfectly still.

"She sealed away the kyuubi for more than ninety years. While she hailed from Uzushiogakure's Uzumaki, who were and are blessed with an exceptionally long life, it soon became clear that she wouldn't be able to contain the nine-tailed beast forever. A potential successor was chosen long ago, with Mito-sama's blessing, for her unique abilities and exceptional chakra control. In fact, she has been the host vessel for the kyuubi for quite some time now. I apologize for the deception, but it was necessary in order to keep her safe. Esteemed council members: meet Uzumaki Kushina."

Mutely, Minato watched as the small figure that had been standing behind Sarutobi-sama's chair straightened and stepped forward, into the light. Her red hair caught the steady flames of the lamps and blazed up. Around him, the council room erupted in chaos.

There was something in Uzumaki Kushina that made Minato feel small and unimportant when she faced him. Even after hours of discussion among the councilmen, to which she hadn't said much and hadn't been asked for her opinion but hadn't been offered a chair, either, she stood in the same straight posture and faced the Council like a charged criminal faced a jury. It was strange, he reflected, how her secret had been able to remain undiscovered for such a long time. Especially since her former team mates seemed to know about it. All three of them had apparently refused to let her step in front of the council alone, for they stood behind her in a tight, protective circle. One time one of them had spoken up, sharply, acidic, when a particularly nasty comment had made Kushina and Minato both flinch, and had been silenced by one glance of hers. Minato knew they were tensed in icy anticipation, ready to defend her from whatever accusations might arise and from every possible harm that might befall her on the orders of the Council. He was fiercely glad Kushina had a team like that, because he was incapable of doing anything for her. He would make sure, he vowed silently, that they would stay together. But then, her secret-that-wasn't-a-secret-anymore. Sarutobi-sama had known about it, and Homura-sama and Kohane-sama, of course. Judging from the faces of the people and the varying degree of surprise when the story had first been told, some Clan Heads had known about it, as well, at least the Nara and the Yamanaka. Quite possibly some of the anger that was being vented right now was due to the fact that _some_ people had been considered worthy being told something like that, and some (like the Hyuugas, Minato noted with a little flash of amusement) had not been. He could relate. It had been a secret that had been important enough to keep to a close circle of people, a secret of vital importance for the safety of Hidden Leaf. But it had poisoned the air. Secrets generally did: they hid important facts and, when revealed, caused arguments and discussions. They riled people up and revealed them at their weakest and/or most ugly. ANd they always hurt someone, not seldom the one who had been drawn into them without his or her own volition: it was the worst he could imagine. People getting hurt because they offered to sacrifice something. It was Kushina who was bearing the whole shitload of crap that was now being tossed at her that, ultimately, had nothing to do with her. Kushina was the one bearing the hate and injustice and anger stoically, showing none of the hurt and pain that she had to bee feeling, and Minato _resented_ it.

Then and there, he decided he hated secrets even more than he hated his title. He didn't hate her, though.

Kushina's back was straight and her eyes cool as she faced a room of people who were trying to blast holes into her wall. They were shouting, arguing and accusing, generally doing everything to test her reaction under duress, to find a reason - any, any reason whatsoever - why she was not suited to be the vessel of the kyuubi. Kushina did not crack. She wore a plain skirt and an emerald top. Perhaps she had chosen it deliberately, because both her hands were hidden in the fabric of the wide sleeves. Her voice was eerily calm and quiet as she answered the myriad of questions concerning her emotional and physical state, her heritage, her training and her current status as kunoichi. And yet it projected into the row the furthest from her. Minato couldn't help himself: the sight made him angry. Not because she was calm. But because he couldn't understand how the Council could make her do this: it was worse than an interrogation. Kushina's heritage and childhood her abilities, even her loyalty – everything was dragged out into the harsh light of the room. Her family, her home, how she had come to Leaf. That day, Minato learned all the things about Kushina that had been blackened out in her file. In hindsight, he would have been happier not knowing.

…

He'd known she was an Uzushio orphan. He hadn't realized it could be even worse.

…

The string of questions didn't seem to end. Kushina bore it steadfastly while Minato watched her, trembling with something he couldn't define. He didn't take his eyes of her, but she didn't look into his direction even once. Was she avoiding him deliberately? He couldn't tell.

"Tell us, Uzumaki Kushina," the Clan Head of the Hyuuga finally lifted his voice, and people around Minato relaxed visibly, correctly guessing it would be the last question. "You have shown us you are remotely intelligent and sensible. Your fighting abilities are above average, though enhanced by the kyuubi's chakra, of course, and you have assured us of your loyalty. Still, why should you be the one to bear the kyuubi and not someone else?"

Something flashed over Kushina's face, too fast for Minato to decipher it.

"I have proven my loyalty to Hidden Leaf more than once," she said coolly. "I have fought for you, using the kyuubi's strength, and I have fought the kyuubi for you. Why do I think I should be the one to carry it? Are you really asking me that?"

Minato's neighbor leaned forward, his eyes glued to the woman, as if she were a spectacle he could not bear to miss any second of. Minato wanted to punch him in the face. Kushina continued.

"I am the bearer of the kyuubi, Hyuuga-san, because I have the long-levity of my now-extinguished clan and its exceptional chakra control. I agreed to carry the ninetails because my great-grandmother loved this village, and wanted to protect it, and because I honor her wish. You heard me correctly: she asked me to do this. She did not force me. I have been living in this village since I turned five, because you decided you needed a vessel for the kyuubi once my great-grandmother would no longer suffice your purposes. Mito-oobasan always regarded Hidden Leaf as her home. But it is not mine, nor have you made me feel particularly welcome here though there have been people who have been good to me."

Her gaze wandered the room, looking at every council member individually.

"You want someone else to be the kyuubi's vessel? Be my guest. I did not want to be what I am right now, nor would I willingly remain here if I was given the chance to leave. But when it comes to the question who else should carry the kyuubi, Hyuuga-sama, esteemed council members: would anyone of you put forward your children or grand-children as the ninetail's future vessel?"

Silence greeted her.

Minato was hit by how small Kushina seemed, even when she stood tall. She did not have her great-grandmother's stature, but her red hair marked her clearly. He wondered what the council members saw: did they see the fire in her eyes, or the exhaustion in her shoulders? Defiance or defeat? Now that he knew what secret she was hiding Minato saw many of their old differences in an entirely new light. Had she always known why she had been taken from her family and had been brought to Leaf? How long had she known? Had she carried the weight of this burden all by herself, all this time? The thought alone made him want to break something. The Council remained silent. Minato would have sworn that at least Hyuuga Hisoka would put his second son or one niece of another nephew of his wide-spread clan forward as volunteers, but even he was quiet. Of course, he thought with growing bitterness, none of them wanted their own children to carry the cursed kyuubi. Kushina, on the other hand, was an outsider. Was it that, really, the only reason being this latent nationalism? Or the fierce Will of the Fire that told everyone to protect their children at all costs? Even if they did not understand the depth of the burden Kushina carried – not even Minato could understand it completely – did some small part of them actually anticipate the sadness, grief and never-ending battle that came with being the kyuubi's host? Did they, looking at Kushina, somehow guess the ostracism she had suffered just because she was different, and wanted to save their own children from it? Maybe. Either way, Minato had no ounce of pity for them. Here were the most influential men in the entire country of Fire, and they were loading their responsibility onto the shoulders of a barely eighteen-year-old girl.

Detestable.

And the worst was that Minato was the same.


	5. Chirality

_A/N: This is the second-to-last chapter of this story. I hope you enjoyed it so far, and will enjoy this and the last chapter, as well._

* * *

_v. Chirality_

When Minato thought back later, almost two years of his life seemed to have disappeared in a haze of forgetfulness.

It wasn't as if he did not remember the days passing, or could not recall the events that occurred and that only turned out to be the prologue to the Third Great Shinobi War. Fact was that the years that preceded the official start of the war were far bloodier and far more horrible than the actual war itself. It was laced with skirmishes, tactical retreats, bloody encounters and all too many victims, but none of them were official. Many of Leaf's children were torn from their childhood and learned to be killers and more of them died than returned. Those who returned were scarred for life. It wasn't just a time of rivers running red with blood, of plains slick with mud and corpses, of forests burned down by fire jutsus and rivers raging with the wrath of water-based techniques. Instead, there were days of working and nights of sleepless waiting, of desperately hoping teams they had sent out to fight would return unharmed. Neither the long days nor even longer nights Minato ever remembered completely: ambushes and reconnaissance missions, tactical planning and desperate negotiation seemed to blend into each other until he dreamed of red-tainted hands and the terror of a war that was unavoidable.

…

(Here is the greatest secret nobody knows: Minato never once wanted to be Hokage.)

…

Still, there were happy memories. Perhaps because they had developed some sense of black humor – it was necessary in order to survive the day – or perhaps because there were happy moments, despite everything. Sometimes Minato caught himself smiling, or even laughing, and that instant he forgot about the not-officially-but-in-everything-but-name war raging between Iwa and Konoha. Of course there still were lost lives – _so many so many so many_ – and shattered villages and war orphans and lost innocence. But sometimes he would watch his (_his_) team, watch Kakashi and Obito and Rin train and argue and grow. Sometimes Chouza would invite them all for a barbecue, or Gai would challenge Kakashi to an especially stupid duel. Genma and Raidou became a couple, accompanied by a lot of good-natured ribbing of all their friends and colleagues. Inoishi got married. Children were born. Minato became more and more involved in the things it took to lead Leaf. It was intriguing on some days, and exhausting on others. He barely saw Kushina anymore. Sandaime-sama named him official successor the day Kakashi was elevated to the status of chuunin. They celebrated in a small restaurant and maybe Minato got drunk that night. Maybe, though, he only pretended to be because Obito kept insisting he had to be inebriated, judging from the amount he had drunk. Either way, he was sober when he came home that night, because he remembered every detail of the nightmares that followed.

Because now he was the one sending shinobi to their death.

"Namikaze-san, the kyuubi's vessel hasn't reported back in." A shinobi whose name had momentarily escaped his memory was nervously shifting from one foot to the other in front of his desk. (When had they started to report to him, instead of Sarutobi-sama?) Then his brain processed the data.

"Her name is Uzumaki Kushina," he said sharper than necessary. When the chuunin flinched, he waved it off tiredly. _People._ There was nothing more stubborn than the collective memory of a society that thought itself to be _right._ (When had he become so cynical?) "What happened?"

"The kyuubi- I mean, Uzumaki-san left for a reconnaissance mission the day before yesterday, along with her team. They were scheduled to return yesterday morning but haven't signed in. Nobody has seen them, either."

Minato pressed his eyes shut and tried to think.

"Are there any other teams in their sector?"

"No, but there is-"

"Namikaze-san!" A second harried chuunin (God, they were so young these days) almost fell through the door of his office. "I am sorry, I couldn't stop her-"

Behind him, Uzumaki Kushina pushed through the door, her hair a tangled mess, blood on her face and on her uniform. The dark spots were almost unnoticeable on the dark vest but Minato's eyes spotted them immediately. Her face was twisted into a dark grimace.

"I don't have time," she burst out. "Naoki was injured. We had to lay low a day and barely escaped, and I'm only here because he said he'd only go to the hospital if I reported to you first. Here." A scroll landed on his desk with a dull thump. "There are teams of Iwa nin patrolling the smaller villages of Kusa, and in every bigger town there is a camp. The border to Fire is crawling with them, too, we barely made it out again. Plus, Kokuou is there."

Minato froze, then crossed his office in the blink of an eye and grabbed her at her shoulders. "The Fivetails? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah." Kushina brushed him off impatiently. "I covered our retreat, there was no real fight. Can I leave now?" Desperation shone from her eyes brightly.

Frowning, Minato stared at her and at the scroll on his desk and silently weighted how much he wanted to hear her report from her own lips and how much he felt for her, knowing her fear for her team member. From what he'd seen, Kushina's team was tight. The three shinobi seemed her only real friends.

"Go," he said finally, and Kushina disappeared in the blink of an eye.

He saw her a little bit more from that moment on. The next time he met her they went on a mission together – Kushina, because she was the kyuubi's vessel, and Minato, because he could move faster than even the most exceptional Iwa nin. At the end of their mission, his hands were even more stained with red and he almost forgot about it because he was so shocked about seeing the kyuubi's power for the first time. Also, he saw for himself what it cost Kushina to use its powers, and it shook him to the core. But that was not the end of it. Sandaime-sama now kept him involved in every matter of the village and as little as he liked it, the kyuubi was part of Leaf's resources. There were Anbu constantly shadowing it, and weekly reports on her condition. Plus, Kushina and her team had developed some of the best espionage and reconnaissance tactics Leaf had at that time and it was natural that they would be chosen for stealth missions and such. Special forces reported to the Fire Shadow directly, much like Anbu. Some way or another, Kushina became a fixture in Minato's life.

…

The successor to the Hokage, and the kyuubi's vessel. What a couple they were.

…

"You again," the white-haired shinobi, member of Kushina's team, said when Minato appeared at their side on the training grounds. Minato still wasn't quite sure whom of them was whom (genius or not he had a lousy memory for the face-name-thing) but they didn't seem to mind.

"You seem to be hanging around with the Uzumaki girl quite a lot," Shikaku commented, a frown on his face. "You're the future Hokage, Minato. Be careful." "You sound like the Hyuuga twins," Minato joked, but his friend and tactical advisor did not smile.

Sarutobi-sama's former team mates looked older than Sarutobi himself. Sometimes Minato wondered what kind of power they actually held, or whether their importance only came from the fact that they were the Sandaime's team mates. Either way, they had an opinion regarding everything. "Keep your friends close and our enemies closer," they advised. "Especially take care of the kyuubi. She'll be a great asset to Leaf one day." Minato felt like laughing out loud.

"Ohhhh!" Tsume and Anko chorused. "He has to meet _Kushina!_ It's so sweet it makes one want to put him up in a glass cabinet, isn't it?" Tsume's laugh was dark and barking. "Doesn't it make you want to follow them in secret?"

"Shut up." Even when he lifted his voice Chouza was unable to sound angry. "He's doing his job. And don't pretend it is easy, because God knows none of you would ever be able to do what Minato does every day." Minato, thankful for at least one kind voice, offered the Akimichi his second sandwich.

There was a catch somewhere. From the viewpoint of the Hokage's successor, what he was doing was the right thing. But there was more than that. Minato liked talking to Kushina. She had an intelligent mind and a quick, lethal tongue. In so many aspects, she was his complete opposite. And then there were the things they shared, numerous things that made him smile stupidly when he thought about them. She had a mind made of steel, strong and unbendable. But he had seen her cry, too. She didn't feel much love for the inhabitants of Leaf - at least not for the shinobi population - and yet she fought tirelessly to protect the village. She never seemed to laugh, but he had seen her smile at her team mates with such warmth it had shaken him. She was small, but she seemed to glower down at him when she was angry. It was confusing, all those contradictions in one single woman. Kushina was intriguing: a riddle from the beginning to the end. And there still was this voice, this half-forgotten memory he couldn't quite gasp and never was able to recall. Sometimes he woke up, knowing it had been _there_, so clear it should have been obvious. And still, it evaded him as soon as his consciousness surfaced, slipped away in the last remnants of dream that dissipated when he woke. Minato was a shinobi. Even in the half-dream state of wakeful sleep, ready to stir at a moment's notice, he could feel the whisper, but the words were lost in the heartbeat of the ocean of his childhood memories.

Then came the _official _war without any time to think, with time only to breathe and fight and _react_, and looking at Kushina was painful because she fought with everything she had and still seemed like she was missing something. She barely seemed to care for her own life. It was terrifying. Minato watched her, rolled into a tight ball at the roots of a whispering willow at the side of the river, and saw how her former team mates, best friends and now fellow soldiers clustered around her as if to protect her from the looks of bypassing shinobi. He thought that it probably had been the best thing Leaf had ever done for Uzumaki Kushina: giving her at least those three people she could rely on, no matter what happened. Otherwise, she might have broken. She seemed so fragile, but Minato refrained from getting closer to her. There was something in her eyes that seemed to tell him to keep his distance, and he honored her feelings. Besides, there was no time for getting close during a war. But even the Third Shinobi War ended. Strange as it felt, suddenly desk duty, paperwork and mission planning were replacing reconnaissance missions, strategy meetings and battles again. It felt strange, and painfully normal. And the knowledge how many people had given their lives in order for them to survive was a poisoned kunai in his heart, one of the barbed ones Minato used for his Hiraishin, and every day, it was twisted around a little bit more. Not lethal, his injury, and surely not visible. But there.

Looking at Kakashi and Rin - so alone together, and so lost - did not make it easier.

Kushina was one of the few people he could talk to. Not that they talked much. Their conversations seemed to consist more of silence than of talk. And still, there were few people that could convey so much in saying so little. The war had made Kushina harder, if that even was possible, but also more brittle than she had been before. It was impossible not to notice. They had seen each other so often on the battle field and in the field camps that now, back in Leaf, their encounters became fewer and fewer. Minato didn't like it. Talking to her always had had a calming effect on him, but now she seemed to avoid him. Minato didn't have the time to wonder. Still, it became a challenge for him to seek her out when he thought he knew where she was. Seeing her - just for a second, a passing glance - made his day infinitely better.

"The Uzumaki girl again?" Ibiki complained. "Damn, Minato, I know your responsibilities as the future Fourth bind you. It is reasonable to play nice with her. She will be an important asset one day. But you should watch it. Spend too much time with her and she'll get ideas. She already looks at you like she has fallen for you."

Kushina rounded the corner just in time to hear his last sentence. Minato froze for a second, hoping she hadn't heard the beginning, and shot Ibiki a furious look. "Idiot," he said, fuming. "Don't listen to him, Kushina. He's talking utter rubbish, as usual. There's no way you would fall in love with me, right?"

Kushina had gone very still. Attempting to smile, Minato turned around and felt the attempt wither and die. Kushina's eyes were wide and – terrified? – and a deep blush covered her features. His throat was dry all of a sudden. Swallowing painfully, he grasped for the right words and found none. None were necessary: Kushina turned on the heel and disappeared.

"What the hell was that?" Minato demanded of Ibiki, suddenly not only very angry but very confused as well and determined to let the anger win. "Did you have to say that?"

The shinobi's calm never once cracked. "Yes," he answered. "As to your first question, I think finding the answer is up to you."

…

They were too similar, always had been.

…

Like two mirror images. Black and white, south and north, they weren't alike at all and yet so much like each other. Minato never had been able to make out why they hadn't hit it off right from the start. Both of them had been orphans, one way or another: first children trying to be accepted the way they were, then teenagers desperately trying to make a difference. And finally, shinobi, angry at their own weaknesses but with the welfare of everyone around them at heart. Why it had taken them a detour of almost eight years and some _very_ rocky patches to realize they actually could be friends, and two more (and a war) until they became friends. But now, Minato didn't only want to be colleagues with Kushina, or even just _friends. _Minato wanted her to be his, completely and entirely. The utter selfishness of that thought made him wake up in cold sweat on some nights. Kushina was anything but perfect: maybe that made her so perfect in his eyes. She still was this whispering well of secrets and contradictions, so much Minato never had gotten around to actually figure her out. Every time he thought he knew her, she smiled a different smile and he was blown away. She was short-tempered and quick-tongued and tended to talk before she thought. But she could also hold back her opinions, keep secrets and never let anyone know. It was as if he knew nothing about her, despite everything he had read in her file, because she just _wouldn't talk_ about her childhood, her parents or her first years in Leaf. Kushina wasn't a prodigy like him, but she was clever and, even more, a fast learner. She worked herself so hard sometimes he wondered how on earth she withstood the strain. Then, she could spend an entire day doing nothing, kidnapping her three best friends and hiding away until the Anbu that were supposed to shadow her reported his failure to Minato with shame oozing from his entire stature, including the masked face. She would not hold back with criticism, but she would soften it with praise. She was both realistic and harsh and incredibly kind, both a good person and a cool, calculating shinobi. She also was adorably clumsy on occasions. While she moved with all the grace of a kunoichi when it came to a mission, he had watched her stumble _up_ a staircase, drenching her entire surroundings with a jar of particularly sticky, thankfully cold, green tea. She was strong. She controlled the kyuubi, despite the pain and agony it brought for her. And Minato saw her exhausted and weak, too, one time, and pretended not to see the tears that ran down her cheeks. Kushina was amazing. She was a good friend, a loyal shinobi, a kind advisor and a harsh critic. It took him another year to realize he had been watching her almost non-stop for the past three thousand something days but Minato quickly concluded that in his eyes, she was something else, too: Kushina was a woman.

And he _wanted_ her.


	6. Fractality

_A/N: With this, the last chapter has been reached. Thanks to anyone who enjoyed this story, and who dropped me a message to let me know! (Thanks, Rachel :)) You will find (hopefully understandable, accurate) definitions of the chapter titles below this chapter. Also, here the (previously announced) slight deviation from canon plot is taking place, though you will see it changes little of the outcome. _

* * *

_vi. Fractality_

…

("Do you always get what you want?" –"Depends on whether I _really_ want it or not."

She had laughed. "Heavens, you _are_ a spoilt kid."

Actually, it had taken a lot more to convince her, but the end was worth the wait.)

…

The birds were singing outside.

Minato was a trained shinobi, used to rising with the sun, so his mind was clear almost instantly. His internal clock, though, told him he still had some time, so he relaxed and kept his eyes closed. These days, his work hours were long and exhausting. That in itself was not the problem. He could deal with work and council meetings, desk time and lunch breaks barely long enough to swallow some soldier pills. Had he fallen asleep on the field bed in his office again? If so, the small, creaking thing had turned surprisingly comfortable suddenly. Kakashi probably would come to wake him soon, with the newest reports and that face that, to the world, seemed to hold no expression but for Minato spelled out his failure in capital letters every day. Obito had died at the Kannabi bridge. Neither Kakashi nor Rin had ever been the same again. But who was he to judge, he thought, feeling the thorn of agony twist inside him. None of them would ever be the same. They had lost Obito and so many others in this war. And despite everything there had been happy moments, because he'd had his team – his _kids_ – and because Kushina had loved him back, and had agreed to marry him, and had become pregnant. And then she had died giving birth to Naruto, and the kyuubi had gone on a rampage, and Minato had been forced to seal the ninetails into his newborn son.

And at the end of the gruesome day _Kushina was dead_.

He had known her for eight years before he had fallen in love with her. He had loved her for more than three years before she had died. Such a short time, compared to his entire life, so how could it be that nothing seemed to be worth _anything_ with her gone? Oh, Minato still cared for his village, and for his team. And for his son. And still. Kushina was gone and nothing he did could change that. Nothing he ever did would ever bring her back.

He was on his own.

The wind was rustling the leaves of the trees. Soon, Naruto would wake and demand his breakfast, the four-month old baby had lungs like his mother. Minato ought to enjoy the peace as long as it lasted, he knew. Sighing, he buried his head in his pillow, slowly gathering the strength for another day with a toddler, two heart-broken children, a war and a village that had to survive at all costs. He would get through the day because he was strong, because he was the Fourth Fire Shadow, Konoha's Yellow Flash, and-

…

And because Kushina would have wanted it.

…

_A long-forgotten memory of his childhood: _

_The ocean is green, blue and grey, all colors at once after the storm. The air is heavy with the scent of rain but the clouds are clearing away. Already, sun-rays fall onto the sea, refracting, and the song of the ocean is the only sound he hears next to his steady heart-beat. A bird's call shatters the air. The ocean is his home. Minato knows nothing else. He knows its faces and its moods, its sound and scent. He knows there is something on the other side of this vast horizon, a place, a time, maybe, something he hasn't yet learned of. And he knows with a certainty he never even as much as doubted that there is someone on the other side of it, calling out to him. _

_Waiting for him._

_..._

Exhaling slowly, he basked in the warmth of the familiar figure next to him. Kushina had been dead for four months now and yet he could still feel her small figure curled up next to him. She'd always slept like that: curled up like a cat, facing him. When he woke up late at night the first thing he saw was her face, peaceful and calm and beautiful in her sleep. The memories were so vivid he could almost smell her. Apple and lilacs and baby lotion. It took Minato a few seconds to realize the scent wasn't only in his memories, but _real_, and that the warm body so close to his was not a dream, either. His eyes snapped open.

Kushina's green eyes were the first thing he saw, her hair falling into her face, untamed. A smile blossomed on her lips. Minato had only seen her cry three times in his life: once after her kidnapping, once when they had fought over whether he was allowed to love her, and one final time when she had given birth to Naruto. Now, again, her beautiful eyes were full of tears. Minato didn't even bother to check whether she was real or not: he wrapped both arms around her and held on to her like she was the only thing that could save him from drowning.

"Damnit," he said, a long, long time later, and his voice sounded matter-of-fact even to his own ears. "I'm _dead_."

Predictably, Kushina rolled her eyes at him. "Way to go, idiot. Good to see you haven't lost your observation skills."

All in all, Minato had to say, he had the feeling he was taking it remarkably well. It actually felt like something he had carried on his shoulders for a very long time – a very heavy burden that had cut into his flesh and ground down his bones – finally had been taken from him. He'd been a shinobi since the age of ten. He'd always known that he'd die one day – now it had finally happened. The pang of regret that shot through him was completely anticipated and yet managed to take away his breath.

"Kakashi," he sighed. "Rin. _Naruto._"

Kushina hung her head. Her beautiful hair fell into her face, obscuring her features. "I know."

She looked so fragile. Minato embraced her again, as tightly as the first time, and realized she was holding him together as much as he was holding her. Together, they let the waves of pain brand over them until it calmed to a constant, dull pain in their hearts: always there, but bearable. The pain was the same: the one of the people left behind, and the pain of the people leaving.

"You did it, Minato," Kushina finally said and carefully pulled back to look into his face. "You ended the war. You saved Hidden Leaf. Everything will be alright now. You defeated Madara, he can't hurt anyone anymore. They are safe." Her face twisted. "_Naruto will be safe_."

Minato passed a hand over his face. "I should have stopped it faster. It's too late for so many people. So many children…" His voice hitched. Both of them were thinking of the same people.

"There is a future for them, now." Kushina smiled at him softly. "You did well, Minato."

Neither of them wanted to think of the consequences of his actions.

Strangely, her words made tears come to his eyes. He wiped them away furiously, ignoring the sparkle in her eyes that made her so _Kushina._

"Have you been able to see them? Tasuku, Hidetsugu and Naoki, I mean? And-"

"Naruto?" She finished, her face losing her smile for the fraction of a second. Then it was back again. "Yes, I watched. I'm so glad all three of them survived. And Naruto!" Her eyes lit up. "I'm so glad he's okay. He's become so big, and it has only been four months. I wish…" She stopped herself, her arms falling again helplessly. "I wish I could hold him one last time," she said quietly.

"He will be fine." Minato felt the absence, too, the gaping hole in his heart. His arms that had held his son so often for the past months felt empty and without purpose. "He'll grow up to be a great shinobi. Who knows? Maybe he'll be Hokage once. He sure has the best genes. And Rin and Kakashi will take care of him, I know they will. The entirety of the village will soon be doting over him."

Kushina laughed; a small, surprised sound. "He's just like you, then."

"He's very much like you," Minato contradicted. For a while, they were silent.

"Minato," Kushina finally said. "I need to ask you something."

At the serious tone of her voice, he looked up and found her staring at him directly. Looking like that, Kushina's eyes were almost grey, a color he associated with when she was dead serious – and very much depended on the answer one gave to her inevitably following question. He'd only once found himself at the receiving end of that glare. That time, he hadn't needed to think about the answer. It had been clear as a day.

"That day…" Kushina stopped and seemed to think over her question one last time. Then she plunged forward without hesitation. While she spoke, her voice changed. "That day Naruto was born – why did you seal the kyuubi into him? Why didn't you seal it back into my body?"

Minato literally had no words. The only thing he could do was stare at her, breathless: Kushina was beautiful, as always, and her face was hard and cold. _Dangerous._ This, he realized, was what her enemies had seen before she had taken them down. This was Uzumaki Kushina, last child of Whirlpool, heiress to the Uzumaki name and clan. Uzumaki Kushina, bearer and wielder of the kyuubi.

"I…," he said lamely. "I thought…"

"Obviously, you _didn't_ think," Kushina cut him off. "Because if you had thought about it for a second you would have realized that the simplest answer would have been to seal the kyuubi back into me. I was dying, either way. I could have taken it away with me. The ninetails would have disappeared with me, and it would never have been able to threaten Leaf again. I died due to its violence, it would have been different than Mito-Sama's death. I could have made it. It could have _destroyed _it. But…" Her voice was rising slowly. "But you chose to seal it into Naruto. Into _Naruto_, Minato, into _our child._ You doomed him to a life as the vessel of a nine-tailed beast. Instead of sealing it into me, who was already dying, _you forced it onto our newborn son_."

Minato hadn't realized he'd moved away from her. Her anger was palpable now, radiating off her in invisible waves.

"Why did you do this, Minato? I don't understand. And there are only two possible reasons why you, Namikaze Minato, prodigy, Yellow Flash and Fourth Hokage, could have done something that careless and stupid. And don't tell me you didn't think of it because I don't believe you _for a second_." She narrowed her eyes. "The first reason is that you thought the kyuubi was too valuable to lose it forever. I can accept you couldn't seal into yourself, seeing as you were the one performing the ritual. But that would also mean you knowingly doomed our child to carry Kurama, and that is inexcusable. And besides, in that case, why didn't you bring another person to act as the vessel?"

Minato lowered his head, unable to meet her eyes.

"The other reason is that you still, _despite everything_, thought there was a way _I could survive._ So you sealed the kyuubi into the other person available at that moment, as to not weaken me even more. But that would mean…" She took a deep breath. "That would mean you burdened Naruto with the nine-tails because _I_ was too weak to take it back. That you stupidly and idiotically chose not to kill me but to try and save _both of us_. You loved me too much to let me go, and that was why you sacrificed Naruto. To save _me_."

When she did not say anything else, Minato slowly lifted his head to look at her, and saw a world of grief shine from her eyes.

"Minato, if it was that – that you loved me and did not want to let go – that would be too much. I couldn't bear it. Please tell me you had another reason, a _good_ reason, for doing what you did that day."

The scent of forest lingered in the air. Unable to hold her gaze, Minato looked down again. Time passed, slow and fast, and nothing broke the silence between them except for the chirping of birds and the rustling of leaves. There was nothing he could say to reassure her in her doubts. There were no words to sooth Kushina's pain, the pain of a woman who had lived a life other people barely could fathom. She'd been taken from her family at the age of six to be brought to another village where she was held as some sort of hostage. She had endured loneliness and exclusion. She had had few friends only and even those she had to fight for. She had been abducted, had seen her village in ashes and her family dead, had taken on the burden of the kyuubi and had been shunned for it. Uzumaki Kushina had given her life to the village that was Hidden Leaf and nothing she had ever gotten for it would be enough to weight up the debt Hidden Hidden Leaf owed her. Not even Minato could give her enough, and he certainly had given her more than others ever had. He had, at least, _tried_.

…

But there was nothing he could say.

…

And then: a miracle.

For the first time since Minato knew Uzumaki Kushina – and probably for the first time in her life – she left one of her own questions unanswered. She did not push or prod or even just look at him. Instead, she looked down and shook her head softly, smiling a smile that threatened to turn watery at any moment. Minato touched her face carefully, lifting her chin so she had to look him in the eyes. Everything he felt – everything he'd ever thought of her, everything he loved about her and how much he loved her, he tried to convey with his eyes and his touch.

_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry._

He didn't know what he was apologizing for.

"I didn't want glory and honors," Kushina whispered. "I just wanted someone for me. Just you, Minato. I'm sorry it turned out like this."

A voice, clear as crystal, calling out for him. Waiting for him, however long it would take. Eyes as green as the ocean.

_I'm not. _

He kissed her eyes and her forehead, her nose, her cheeks and her lips. She tasted sweet. He never wanted to stop.

"I just…" She hesitated.

"Go on."

"I just wish I could see Naruto one more time. When he's a bit older, maybe. To tell him I love him, whatever happens."

"You will." Minato thought of the piece of Kushina's and his own chakra he had anchored in Naruto, and wrapped his arms around her. "I promise. You'll see him again one day. And he'll be amazing."

Kushina smiled into his shoulder, her arms around him tightly. "I am sure he'll be."

Strange how sometimes, symmetry only became visible when looking at it from far away. Kushina's body fit his like she was made for him, and Minato was pretty sure that was the case.

Always had been.

"I love you."

* * *

_A/N: Definitions from the Oxford Dictionary, Wikipedia and myself. Just for fun. (And those who didn't want to look it up :)) (Some definitions result from a combination of wikipedia entries in two languages and thus might not be worded mathematically correct.)_

_1. _**_Asymmetry_**_ (Noun, plural asymmetries). Lack of equality or equivalence between parts or aspects of something. _

_2. _**_Point Symmetry_**_ (Noun, also: point reflection). An object subjects to point symmetry when it can be copied unto itself by a reflection at a symmetry point in the plane._

_3. _**_Reflection Symmetry _**_(Noun, also: axial reflection, line symmetry, axial symmetry or mirror symmetry). An object subjects to reflection symmetry when it can be copied unto itself by a reflection along a vertical axis._

_4. _**_Prochirality _**_(Noun). In stereochemistry (chemistry of the relative (spatial) arrangements of atoms in an organic molecule), prochiral molecules are molecules that can be converted into chiral molecules in one single step._

_5. _**_Chirality _**_(Noun). A chiral molecule is a molecule that has a non-superposable mirror image, meaning the two mirror-images cannot, under any circumstances, be superimposed (neither by point or reflection symmetry, by rotation or such). The example generally used to describe this effect is the one of a pair of hands: while right and left hands are mirror images of each other, they cannot be superimposed by any symmetrical action._

_6. _**_Fractality _**_(Noun, derived from: fractal). A fractal is a natural phenomenon describing a pattern which is not symmetrical itself but possesses a repeating pattern when regarded from the distance._

_For more information, check wikipedia or other references. _

_Thanks for reading!_


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